Mental Particles-1.1

Mental Particles Vol. 1

by | Dec 5, 2019

12/8/2000 – Dream

I could fly throughout the whole night.

It was winter and I was near ice and trees. I was like Superman helping save people.

There was a competition between me and someone evil. I am pretty sure I won, and there was a billiards game involved.

There was also a girl who I loved. Her face is so dark. I cannot remember what she looked like but I can remember the feeling of love between us.

I guess I will have to wait until I slumber once again to know that feeling again.

2/20/2001 – Thoughts

What the f***?

My mind feels like Jello.

Where’s the motivation of inspiration?

3/7/2001 – Thoughts


Codependency used to be a burden, but this is better than another Tyler Durden.

So I enjoy the companion as opposed to a minion.

Taking advantage of a friend is the act of a fiend.

Yet I sin with the intent to manipulate for pleasure.


Is it fun or is there none?

3/8/2001 – Thoughts


They nicknamed me “Lil Devil,” cuz that’s what’s in my eyes.

But see the devil, that’s what I despise.

Do I cause more pain than good upon this world?

1,000 sorries and I pay a thousand fold in redemption.

3/13/2001 – Thoughts


The Limit is not in the Spirit within.

It is in the flesh where I am blessed.

One chance, at a glance, seems like a poor circumstance.

But I must live life justly just for the sake of us.

Because I am not the only One in the present.

There are many to consider in this world full of chaos.

The unorganized clone is one of the only ways as of now.

So move with the crowd or get trampled.

Or take a chance with the One life you have to move against the grain and make a difference so once and for all, peace can reign.

4/2/2001 – Fragments


Daydreams turn to nightmares in slumber.

Is that the outcome for most who fall?


The images in mind are transformed to pages through time.

But why must this aries absurd make any sense through words?

These are not meant for others to enjoy or fret over.

They’re to release the tension and emotions that cage me.

4/8/2001 – Dream


I flew in my dreams last night.

4/20/2001 – Dream


It all started with me going by Round Table Pizza and I saw some cute girl. I know I was having lucid dreams at this point, looking for a girl I loved.

Then I saw through the window that An was still working. I went in and next thing I know I have this samurai sword (like the Green Destiny in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon).

An wanted the sword for some reason.

Next, I’m jumping into my car because my mother and An are chasing me.

I got out of my car and start jumping from rooftop to rooftop in the Meadowview neighborhood.

There were weird entertainment systems on top of all the roofs. It was like each house was trying to outdo each other.

I decide to fly to get away.

I am soaring through the sky and it is fun.

I fly down through the trees and I am in a park where I bury my sword.

4/22/2001 – Thought


See yourself through my eyes.

5/25/2001 – Dream

I visited a church.

I was supposed to be finding grandmother’s resting place. She was calling to me.

I found some girl I dug and did other stuff.

Later, a plant came to me. It was grandma’s soul.

I cried.

6/12/2001 – Dream

I was in a swamp like garden.

Beauty and ugly met here.

I was in a tree.

There was a younger woman below me that I was trying to help, but she had ulterior motives.

I remember wrestling while under water.

There’s more…

6/18/2001 – Thought


I am still waiting for the chapter titled, “Happily Ever After.”

6/30/2001 – Experience

I am laying on the couch in my apartment.

I fell asleep for only about 10 or 15 minutes, and I open my eyes and see a guy standing in front of the bar with the answering machine behind him. He is kind of transparent because I can see the answering machine’s red light through him.

I am scared.

I kept opening and closing my eyes to see if I was tripping.

I eventually faced him by asked what he was or what he wanted.

Then he walks in front of the TV, around the coffee table, and stands right next to me.

I do not look up at its face.

From waist down, I see he has jeans on with a tan grey shirt.

He places his hand on my head.

I am frozen.

I say, “Help.”

I can feel his hand. There is energy on top of my head. It’s heated.

He begins moving his hips and pelvis to f*** with my mind or maybe just scare me.

I snap out of the irregularity and I am completely awake. Then I am in disbelief because I can still feel his presence around me.

7/20/2001 – Experience

I was laying on my couch drifting in and out of consciousness.

I would open my eyes to see if saw anything crazy like before.

1st attempt: I saw nothing. I looked all around while half awake.

2nd attempt: I thought I saw someone out of the corner of my eye. I thought it was Aaron. Then something sat on my chest. I did not like the feeling, but I was not as scared as the first time I had contact.

3rd attempt: I saw four figures walk into Brian’s room. The last one looked a lot like Bill (from work, he will die soon). When I am at this stage of consciousness, it is harder to become completely “awake” versus times when I wake myself from a dream(?).

8/8/2001 – Experience

I was in my bed at the point of half-awake, half-asleep.

I would open my eyes and I keep seeing a couple of faces.

I cannot remember details of the faces. I could hear Erin and Brian in the next room.

I also saw some type of door on top of the ceiling.

Very strange.

9/9/2001 – Dream

I dreamed I was controlling an airplane with my hands.

I was chasing another plane in the sky.

Aaron woke me up asking if I wanted to go to church.


2 + 2 = 5 (?)

What if each of the 2’s had indivisible 1/2’s?

What if there was also a +1 but it was written in disappearing ink?

What if it’s not round or flat, but toroidal?

What if we left soon?

But where?

A destination better be chosen.

Prior to departure, it’s best if 1’s current location is known.

Hard to let go of past coordinates though.

Maybe try a new node.

Next level math mode.


I stood outside with energy coursing my veins.

Some people fear invisible things walking across them.

An old school friend once said he felt like spiders walked across him. He had many reasons to say such things. Another friend had reinforced the program.

So he believed.

But I stood outside and watched nothing crawl across my skin. Except I felt the energy seemingly course through my blood and across my skin.

Welcome to Discomfort

Life is supposed to be a challenge.

For those who start, many stop.

For those who stop, fewer restart.

For those who continue, doorways open.

For those who enter openings, many forget their origins.

For those who remember, level up in the reboot starting soon.

Bombs Away

I bombed the best man speech at my brother’s wedding.

I expected not to write anything and just speak – but I freaked a couple days before the wedding and tried to write a script.

Other presentations in life have landed. But not that one.

Anyway, it appears the bride and groom were the main event.


I say to daughter, “It’s time to clean your room.”

Her eyes well up.

“Not alone, right? I can’t do it alone, daddy,” she says.

He’s No DumDum

I ducked my head so nobody could see me.

I sat shotgun in my Pop’s 1976 Toyota Corona as we drove past my elementary school.

I told my Pop that I was hiding as part of a game that my friends and I played.

Love + People

I love people.

I just don’t love always being around them.


I used to watch Days of our Lives (D.O.L.) in Jr. High School.

Recently, I saw the cast of Days of Our Lives was getting fired. Technically, they were being put on indefinite hiatus.

R.I.P. D.O.L.

Bare Minimum to Spin

I passed my drivers test with a 70 which was the bare minimum to pass.

The instructor said I backed up well.

Proper reversing equals legal spinning.


I turned around to face the stranger storytelling to me.

“I remember being a child every time I smell papcorn,” she says.

The stranger continues to disclose a memory of her childhood.

She tells me how she remembers being with her older, 9-year-old sister. She tells me how the person behind the counter would always ask what they wanted.

And the stranger as a child would say, “Papcorn.”

I told the stranger, “It’s as though you’re time traveling to the past every time you smell popcorn.”

She looks at me like I am the stranger talking strangely.

She speaks no more words.

Rotory Home

I grew up with a rotary phone in my home.


Your best Unique Selling Position (USP) is the position of offering your personal uniqueness.

It’s that simple.

Be younique in the youniverse.


I hear my own voice.

It resonates at many frequencies.

I tune in for the messages.

They speak about pieces of peace.

They breathe about vibrations.

They slow for the sound keynotes.

Then they rumble everything inside.

The energy washes throughout.

Immeasurable but measured.

Creation makes sense.

Goodbyes are welcome.

Or. Are. From.

All or none.

Numb or done.

Some are gone.

Young are won.

Run from dumb.

Come from One.

I Am

I saw a man I no longer knew.

I wanted to no longer know the people surrounding him.

Because they spoke a language he no longer knew.

I know this man.

This man I am.


The innerstanding is happening.

Do you understand what’s possible when the creation game is played more often than the conundrums of consumption?

An uncovering of discovery is unveiled.

Are you searching for your story?

I recommend you ask yourself questions, starting with:


Why everything – because this is what we asked the ones who raised us.

Why? Why? But why? Okay, why? Why?

They told us things.

We chose to believe.

Maybe the answers were always known.


The innerstanding is happening.

Don’t Know

I ask a young one, “What are you thinking about?”

“I don’t know,” she says.

“Be careful of not knowing what you think about, because if you’re not aware, your mind may take you places you don’t want to visit,” I say.

Future & Present

If you want to see the future, then look to Her.

If you want to see the pre-sent, look at You.

Daughter’s Prophecy

My daughter ran to me and proclaimed she wrote a prophecy.

After receiving her written words in spoken word, I requested she text them to me for archiving purposes.

The prophecy says,

“Up in the sky, down in the sea,

in the middle the princess will be.

Who she kills shall perish, too,

because it is the prize you shall choose.

And in the middle between the light and darkness,

the main people of moon and Rin shall lose their final move.”

One Heartspace

One recently said we are already in the heartspace.


One recently that it’s “One for All and All for One.”


I drive while knowing I will record the above words for us.

I think about how I am in the game over sequence. Or the waking process. Or full disclosure. Or remembrance. Or ascension.

I speak out loud and say, “My purpose is to complete this and remember.”

I look to my right and the license plate reads DV9123.

I laugh out loud.

DV is for David Villalva

9 is the number for completion.

123 is the beginning of completion.


I used to think I would die before the age of 25.

I foresaw the death coming from a car accident.

Then I got an outside sales job where I spent the major of my silly busy business days operating a motor vehicle.

Turns out my cousin used to think she would also die before the age of 25.

The record states our current ages as 41.


I require reboots.

New cities.

New characters.

New missions.

New experiences.

New adventures.


I return to tell you what you forgot. I am back to help you remember.

Is the innerstanding happening?


I have heard many human beings put down Superman.

These beings say Superman is too powerful.

They say it is unfair.

But Superman uses his powers with wisdom.

He did not ask for things to be unfair.

But he did choose to use his power for “hope.”

So isn’t he a model for what we hope One would do if granted such powers?

Isn’t he a symbol for “hope”?

Circus of Compliments

She wrote, “I have to say that even though my writing hasn’t changed, I do love reading your emails. I do believe you deserve the nomination!”

Then I got #11 in Writer’s Digest for 2017.

Readers and me connected. We shared the experiences in the words.

But I hated her complement because I wanted to be the teacher. I wanted to be the one with the knowledge.

Instead I got a public prize.

It’s Science

A male’s brain is larger than a woman’s brain on average.

It’s science.

If a tree falls and no ear is there to hear, the impact makes no sound without it being observed.

It’s science.

Quantum physics states we see less than 1% of the total spectrum and our minds fill in gaps.

It’s science.

I know, therefore I am.

It’s science.

Goat Probiotics

I see the supplement and uncensor my thoughts to my wife, “I’m not even on probiotics.”

“That whole bag was only like five bucks,” she says.

I share that I wasn’t upset, actually, “because I didn’t even know they had probiotics for goats.”

These Things

I love them.

I used to fear I may lose them.

Then I remember they were never mine to lose.

So I smile because they were never mine to fear.

Gas Station Performance

“You look important,” says the man in front of the moving truck.

My suit and tie support his impression.

“We all play a role,” I say.


People have asked me if I prefer “David” or “Dave.”

I tell them I always introduce myself as “David,” but they can call me whatever they want.

They most certainly call me whatever they want regardless of my presence.

This is assuming they exist when I’m not present.

Isn’t it science?


Choice #1: I purchase a pack of peanut M&Ms in the airport. Later, I walk into the line at Dunkin’.

Option #1: Purchase donut, gratify, and satisfy sugar craving.

Option #2: Forgo sweet dreams.

Choice #4D completed: I stepped out of donut line after the person ahead decides their order.

Choice #5D achieved: I did not eat the peanut M&Ms and brush my teeth in the airport.


The comment speaks of my gift.

The man emails me asking for insight.

The woman shares her similar outlook.

The money enters my bank account.

The friend complements my contribution.

The family understands why I never gave up.

The project unlocks new creations.

The purpose serves all doors.

The End opens a New Start in the Heart.